Dating Kinky
A ‘cast about love, sex, romance, and kink.
What's the difference between Nice & Kind?
December 6, 2021 • 9 MIN
Ever herd the term "Nice Guy?" It's not a kind term. But Nice Guys (or Nice Gals or Nice Folx, because it's NOT a gender issue, really) are not really kind.
Boundaries are sexy AF: Intellectual Boundaries
December 3, 2021 • 9 MIN
So far, I’ve covered material, sexual, physical, time, and emotional boundaries. Today, I’m focusing in on Intellectual Boundaries: Thoughts and Ideas.
MOST things are figureoutable.
December 1, 2021 • 8 MIN
When you have a something in front of you, and you’re not sure where to start, it’s SO 👏🏻 EASY 👏🏻 to get stuck. To let the overwhelm of realizing how much you don’t know prevent you from moving forward.
What's wrong with nonmonogamy?
November 29, 2021 • 9 MIN
The simple answer: The same things that are wrong with monogamy, only multiplied. The more complex answer is, well, more complex.
Are you terrible at relationships, or do you just sleep with assholes?
November 26, 2021 • 5 MIN
Because there is a difference. A HUGE difference.
Hi! 👋 You ROCK!
November 25, 2021 • 3 MIN
I know you’re busy. I know there are a million places where you could spend your time.
Don’t offer me something I don’t want, then suggest I do emotional labor to get it. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️
November 24, 2021 • 5 MIN
Today, as I opened my messages, I saw the completion of yet another round of *Failing At Connecting, Back-Asswards Edition.*
"We cannot always control what happens to us, but we can always control our response." FALSE
November 22, 2021 • 8 MIN
That is a big fat lie. And it's an easy lie to accept, to internalize, and to use to beat ourselves and others over the head. Because there is truth inside it, but the statement itself is NOT TRUE.
What you hate will often show you what you fear.
November 19, 2021 • 10 MIN
It hurts to feel fear. It makes us feel unsafe and vulnerable. It makes us feel powerless. Fear sucks. But anger. Oh man. Anger makes us feel POWERFUL.
Forced KTP is doing it RONG.
November 17, 2021 • 5 MIN
I love KTP (Kitchen Table Poly). The way I do it.
Sometimes, I'm the bad guy.
November 15, 2021 • 6 MIN
Sometimes when someone says I hurt them, I fall back on my brain to save me instead of my heart.
Are you assertive? Or are you aggressive?
November 12, 2021 • 10 MIN
In many cases, the line is not going to be hard and fast. Because humans are varied, and there is no one litmus test that will work for all.
"I don't know. CAN you date my partner?"
November 10, 2021 • 5 MIN
People often ask me if they can play with or date my partner. I always have the same answer...
Ever had a hard drive crash?
November 8, 2021 • 5 MIN
It SUCKS. Big time. Just like that, *snaps* you've lost data. And most of the time, you don't even know exactly what data you've lost.
But when do we get to the 🍆💦🍑👉🏻👌🏻?!?
November 5, 2021 • 5 MIN
Sex? Who told you there’d be sex? Ohhh. Right.
WHY can't they just be more direct?
November 3, 2021 • 11 MIN
Oh, I feel you.
Boundaries are sexy AF: Time Boundaries
November 1, 2021 • 6 MIN
Healthy time boundaries: making time for the priorities in your life: work, love, hobbies, personal care, family, volunteering and so on.
Did you wake up this morning?
October 29, 2021 • 4 MIN
You're here, you're listening, and NOW is your chance. "To what?" you ask. To whatever.
The cages we build for ourselves.
October 27, 2021 • 7 MIN
We can unlock our cages, but we have to realize that they are there first. And that we've created them.
What do you think when you see success?
October 25, 2021 • 4 MIN
What do you think when you see someone in an amazing photo, showing off a gorgeous rope tie? What do you think when you read someone's joy about their polyamory?
"I'm curious about being with a [insert gender here]."
October 22, 2021 • 8 MIN
When it comes to who we are and what we do in kink and sexuality, attraction is not a single thing. And it's also probably not going to go away just because you ignore it (as many of us know full well).
What is romance?
October 20, 2021 • 6 MIN
How would you define romance? Is it only the big things you must sacrifice for? Is it in the details? A combination?
I believe that the more I put into life (and kink), the more I get.
October 18, 2021 • 4 MIN
Some people say that you get out of life what you put in. I don't believe that. Some people have WAY more advantages than others.
"Well, once you get to know them..." 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️
October 15, 2021 • 2 MIN
I've had a lot of people over the years say things in response to my writings about people being creepy or weird or gross, like, "If you bother getting to know them..."
Asking me for what you want and need is actually HELPING me.
October 13, 2021 • 7 MIN
How do you know when to ask for what you want or need?
"I'm open to possibilities."
October 11, 2021 • 4 MIN
Inevitably, on dating sites and apps, I get the question, "So, what are you looking for?" I nearly always want to reply, "Nothing."
NOT asking for what you want and need is a trauma response...
October 8, 2021 • 6 MIN
Some people actively train others to NOT help, by turning down help when it's offered, because they don't want to be a bother, without even realizing it.
The internet rewards us for being mean.
October 6, 2021 • 10 MIN
A new study shows how online social networks are encouraging us through likes, shares, and engagements to express more moral outrage over time. Basically, when we post something extreme or controversial, we get more engagement, which in turn encourages us to post more like that.
No matter how toxic...
October 4, 2021 • 6 MIN
Most people are toxic not because of who THEY are—they may love us deeply, and care (or not)—but because of who WE ARE.
Survival & Thrival
September 29, 2021 • 5 MIN
If you are reading this, you have not only survived everything life has thrown at you—heartbreak, abuse, loss, pain, trauma, change—up until now, you are also looking for more and better for yourself.
"Go to events, young man." --->NOT always the right advice.
September 27, 2021 • 9 MIN
In a recent writing, there was some discussion about how difficult it can be to go to events, and how going to events is a privilege.
"How do I get my _____ to _____ to me?"
September 24, 2021 • 13 MIN
This the second most common question I'm asked. The first is "Where do I find ______ (fill in the blank amazing kinky person)?"
Have you ever been afraid to say no?
September 22, 2021 • 6 MIN
I asked my FetLife feed if they had ever been afraid to say no. The results are horrifying.
Ch-ch-ch-changes (or 12 years, and 1200 blogs)
September 20, 2021 • 5 MIN
In 12 years on FetLife, I've written 1,200 blog posts. And I've changed A LOT. But not a lot at a time. Usually, actually a very teeny-tiny bit at a time.
Yes, they really DO know the difference.
September 17, 2021 • 9 MIN
I'm don't write to coddle people who make others uncomfortable. I write to share a viewpoint, and give them tools and ideas on doing/being better.
"Hi There! My name is Dug. I have just met you and I love you."
September 15, 2021 • 4 MIN
"I'll take 'Things only dogs can successfully say to strangers,' for 500, Alex."
The Craigslist Conundrum (Alt Title: Why you gotta ruin it for EVERYONE? 😭😭😭 )
September 13, 2021 • 13 MIN
This is my tale of how CL's hands-off approach to "community-moderated dating/hookup content" went so horribly wrong.
What are the CO$T$ of dating? 💰💰💰
September 3, 2021 • 5 MIN
In the corporate world, we have costs of doing business. What are the costs of dating?
Sometimes, you train them to lie to you.
September 1, 2021 • 7 MIN
Do you want people in your life to lie to you? If so, when? If you said, "No," are you sure you want the truth? Do you reward the truth when you get it?
Another look at "Women have all the sexual power..."
August 30, 2021 • 6 MIN
He stood me up. He denied me sex. He had the sexual power. It is that simple.
Boundaries are sexy AF: Emotional Boundaries
August 27, 2021 • 9 MIN
Healthy emotional boundaries: recognizing your feelings as yours and not leakage or influence from another, and knowing when it is right to share them.
Equality VS Parity in relationships.
August 25, 2021 • 3 MIN
equality: the fact of being equal — parity: comparability of strength or intensity
Do the math: the numbers are depressing.
August 23, 2021 • 8 MIN
Meeting someone like me is a one-in-a-mliion shot. And I'm not exaggerating or being vain. Seriously. I did the math.
Balancing NRE (New Relationship Energy) with your other relationships: Can it be done?
August 20, 2021 • 6 MIN
Every new parter (NRE-potential partner, anyway) costs an exponential amount of energy.
The remote control to your brain...
August 18, 2021 • 8 MIN
You hold a remote control to your brain. An ability to change the channel on your TV. To determine what you look for and focus on. This channel changer is a direct link to your RAS or Reticular Activating System.
Do your crazy kinky thing.
August 16, 2021 • 5 MIN
☝️☝️ Words to live by, if you ask me. You didn't ask me though, LOL! And I'm going to tell you anyway.
Our perception of the world quite literally changes our experience of it.
August 13, 2021 • 8 MIN
Once you perceive your world a certain way, and commit to it, your experiences of the world will often conform to your desires and expectations.
Do you sniff your hand after you shake hands? Ha! Are you suuuuure?
August 11, 2021 • 6 MIN
Nearly three decades ago, I ran across this weird book in the discount section of a Borders Books that was all about bio-hacks before the language of bio-hacking was a part of our cultural zeitgeist.
You’re lucky to have me! (No, really! InterwebzStranger48792 said so!)
August 9, 2021 • 3 MIN
A silly and fun game I play with my partner.
Boundaries are sexy AF: Physical Boundaries
August 6, 2021 • < 1 MIN
Today, I’m focusing on Physical Boundaries: Personal Space and Physical Touch.
“Do what feels right!” Yes, but…
August 4, 2021 • 5 MIN
Doing what feels right can be good, when you are properly calibrated. But are you?
“If I increase my number of partners, I reduce what I have to give any single partner.”
August 2, 2021 • 10 MIN
For some people, having multiple partners (or the freedom to have) makes having even one of them possible.
What about the guys who are respectful, and polite and never receive a reply, or even a polite, “No Thanks”?
July 30, 2021 • 7 MIN
Won’t someone think about the guys?!? 😩😩😩
Sometimes (most of the time, actually) it IS all about you.
July 28, 2021 • 5 MIN
My writings when you read them are all about you.
Be willing to be awful at things.
July 26, 2021 • 5 MIN
Be willing to be awful at things. Be willing to suck at stuff. Acknowledge your faults. Fix what you can and what you want…
Boundaries: Sexual
July 23, 2021 • 5 MIN
Today, I’m going to focus on Sexual Boundaries: Emotional, Intellectual, and Physical Aspects of Sexuality.
Can you be interesting on demand?
July 21, 2021 • 3 MIN
In the getting-to-know-you stages of connecting with someone, I often say: “Tell me something fascinating about yourself.”
I will not fight you for it.
July 19, 2021 • 5 MIN
I will not battle for our relationship. I will not struggle for what I need. I will not duel for your attention.
YOU’RE WRONG! Very, very wrong.
July 16, 2021 • 5 MIN
We are ALL wrong about something, most of us about very many things, both big and small.
It’s a fine line between “Love me as I am” and “I don’t ever have to grow or improve as a human.”
July 14, 2021 • 4 MIN
Saw something that said “if I’m a lot, go find less.” and that’s the vibe. forever.
Who says relationship don’t last anymore?
July 12, 2021 • 6 MIN
Many relationships do last today. And the ones that do, more of them are healthy and fulfilling for BOTH of the people involved.
Does it help or hinder communication? Yes.
July 9, 2021 • 5 MIN
Well, there’s a simple answer for this. It helps—a lot. It hinders—a lot. And it often doesn’t matter at all.
The upside and the downside of intensity in relationships.
July 7, 2021 • 6 MIN
My theory: Kinksters are on the average more intense than the general vanilla public.
What if I'm ashamed about my kink?
July 5, 2021 • 4 MIN
Normally, I’m a fan of emotions, even those we might usually think of as negative, like anger, or jealousy. Not shame.
“I’m sorry I’m not good enough for you.” Nonpologies, Part 2
July 2, 2021 • 5 MIN
It’s amazing to me how many people who really should know better (and do, in other situations) will fall back on a craptaculous nonpology when feeling defensive.
The AAR: After Action Report
June 30, 2021 • 5 MIN
I rarely see the AAR discussed in kink. And it’s been a valuable tool for me since the very beginning.
The Dirty Dozen: A look into the first 12 of Nookie’s private messages on a Monday morning.
June 28, 2021 • 7 MIN
People wonder why it's hard to connect online. I would guess it's because so many people get messages like this, and they begin to shut down their hope for real authentic connection, unless someone really stands out.
All relationships will fail without this ONE thing…
June 25, 2021 • 5 MIN
No matter how well you communicate, how awesome you are, how well you cook, or how funny you are…no matter how much money you have, or looks, or whether your attitude is sunny or full fo thunderstorms, NONE of that matters if you don’t have…
Strengthening Your Personal Intuition About Others
June 25, 2021 • 23 MIN
A quick guided meditation/hypnosis focusing on strengthening your person intuition.
May your scenes match your fantasies: A blessing…or a curse?
June 23, 2021 • 4 MIN
Would you want your scenes to match your fantasies? Maybe you would. After all, you’ve probably been working on them for a while.
I was stood up this weekend.
June 21, 2021 • 5 MIN
And it’s OK. I gave them my time. They chose to waste it.
What is “Queer Enough?” (Hint: Not me.)
June 18, 2021 • 5 MIN
Feeling queer enough is just another version of imposter syndrome.
Compromise Begets Compromise
June 8, 2021 • 6 MIN
Reasons To Reexamine Our Thinking On This Relationship Tool
The Responsibility of the Dominant, Revisited
June 3, 2021 • 7 MIN
One person's responsibilities in a relationship do not cancel out another's.
It’s Pride Month, Y’all
June 1, 2021 • 6 MIN
Yes, I know, I’m not surprising anyone these days with the news that it’s Pride Month. And I’m OK with that.
It can be awkward and silly the first time, but just ask.
May 25, 2021 • 5 MIN
How do you know if you are helping people feel great?
Great dominants are those who make others feel that they, too, can become great.
May 20, 2021 • 5 MIN
What makes a great dominant in the lifestyle? I think there are thousands of answer for that question.
Are there responsibilities to ending a relationship?
May 18, 2021 • 5 MIN
I believe that breaking up is another relationship stage. A pathway from one state to another, and deserves care and time.
White Knighting is GROSS, y'all.
May 13, 2021 • 6 MIN
White Knights in the lifestyle strike me not only as disingenuous, but also as potentially predatory.
I’m NOT telling you what to do…
May 11, 2021 • 3 MIN
Recently, there has been a lot of thought in my head about the friction between inclusion and WON TWOO WAYism, and why anyone would feel like there is even a choice.
You’re right. It’s NOT FAIR.
May 6, 2021 • 8 MIN
Lately, it seems like people want to tell me how unfair dating is. Believe me, I know.
Just ONE decision can change your entire life.
April 27, 2021 • 3 MIN
Have you ever looked back and realized how one decision totally changed things for you/your direction?
What IS attraction?
April 22, 2021 • 9 MIN
We use the word all the time, but what is it, really?
Prime Directive: To care for and protect our own hearts and minds.
April 20, 2021 • 8 MIN
When people abuse you, it’s their fault, not yours.
Kinky Question of the Week: How should I handle protocol or power exchange in public? ANSWERED
April 16, 2021 • 18 MIN
Today, Zach Budd and I answer the question: How should I handle protocol or power exchange in public?
“I’m sorry you feel that way.” Nonpologies, Part 1
April 13, 2021 • 4 MIN
It’s amazing to me how many people who really should know better (and do, in other situations) will fall back on this craptaculous non-apology when feeling defensive.
Kinky Question of the Week: How do I pick a scene name? ANSWERED
April 9, 2021 • 17 MIN
Today, Zach Budd and I answer the question: How do I pick a scene name?
Fake it until you make it…
April 8, 2021 • 4 MIN
There are things you can’t (or shouldn’t) fake and things you should (or can, anyway).
“There’s an art to respectfully treat a woman like a _____ and her loving it.”
April 6, 2021 • 7 MIN
It’s remarkably simple and almost done-for-you, if you start with genuine respect and consent.
Kinky Question of the Week: Why are there more Submissives than Dominants? ANSWERED
April 2, 2021 • 29 MIN
Today, Zach Budd and I answer the question: Why are there so many more subs than doms?
“You used to be so nice!”
March 30, 2021 • 4 MIN
I warned her that what she wanted would be hard, and it would suck, and she would change so much that the people she loved most then she may not even like once she’d done what she was aiming towards.
Kinky Question of the Week: Are ethical nonmonogamy and polyamory basically the same thing? ANSWERED
March 26, 2021 • 30 MIN
Zach & Nookie discuss the differences and similarities in polyamory and ethical nonmonogamy.
Please stop spreading this.
March 25, 2021 • 5 MIN
The last few years, I’ve grow increasingly uncomfortable with this quote without knowing why, or being able to articulate it.
They may be right. That doesn’t mean they are right for you.
March 23, 2021 • 6 MIN
How we set our boundaries will determine how much control another person has over us—what we do, how we think.
If only they would…
March 18, 2021 • 4 MIN
It’s up to you to choose what’s right for you and for those for whom you are responsible.
Are they a narcissist, really? Or just an a**hole?
March 16, 2021 • 11 MIN
The traits of a narcissist, and what good personal boundaries might look like to help avoid them.
One more time…
March 15, 2021 • 5 MIN
For me it wasn’t disinterest. It was an active and systematic (although possibly not intentional) verbal dismantling of my hopes and dreams by someone who was deeply insecure and troubled.
Kinky Question of the Week: How does one find a kinky family?
March 12, 2021 • 17 MIN
Zach Budd and I talk about finding your people in kink.
The Spandex Principle: How learning about a fiber changed everything for me.
March 11, 2021 • 7 MIN
I took The Science of Fashion class because it sounded cool, and I learned a new way of looking at life.
The OTHER Never-Ending Question
March 9, 2021 • 3 MIN
I’ve read that m marriage is just two people asking each other where they want to eat until one of them dies. And that makes me laugh.
Kinky Question Of The Week: I’m incredibly shy and awkward. What’s the best way to approach people online?
March 5, 2021 • 25 MIN
Zach Budd and I talk making that first move in our latest Kinky Question of the Week Podcast.
Your trauma is no excuse…
March 2, 2021 • 3 MIN
I get it. I've been through some shit. You might have been through more. Or less. But that doesn't matter, really. because, as they say, this is not the Olympics.
Hey, jealous me!
February 25, 2021 • 5 MIN
A lot of people say they couldn’t be poly or nonmonogamous because they are jealous. As if jealousy is not allowed in those lifestyles.
Public VS. Private Blame
February 23, 2021 • 5 MIN
A lot of people have been taught that immediately and forcefully denying even the most obvious faults is required to make it through life.
Kinky Question of the Week: What does an ETHICAL submissive look like to you?
February 19, 2021 • 22 MIN
How should they present themselves? What character traits should they have? What does their behavior look like?
That Door? It's There For You To Leave
February 18, 2021 • 3 MIN
I believe in making it easy for people to step out of my life.
Nonmonogamy: I do what I want.
February 16, 2021 • 7 MIN
Nonmonogamy needs no justification to anyone except the people that choose it, and wanting to be nonmonogamous is justification in itself.
KQOTW: What does an ETHICAL dominant look like to you? How should they present themselves? What character traits should they have? What does their behavior look like?
February 15, 2021 • 27 MIN
Zach Budd and Nookie answer the question: What does an ETHICAL dominant look like to you? How should they present themselves? What character traits should they have? What does their behavior look like?
“No” is a complete sentence.
February 11, 2021 • 5 MIN
Saying no is simple. Two letters. One syllable. But as simple as it is, it’s often not easy.
Don't feel bad for feeling.
February 9, 2021 • 3 MIN
Feelings are important. Necessary.
Kinky Question of the Week: How Do I know if I'm Bi?
February 5, 2021 • 16 MIN
Zach Budd and Nookie answer the question: How do I know if I'm bi? I've always been with the opposite sex, but I'm curious.
Healthy Relationship Sex
February 4, 2021 • 4 MIN
If your relationship doesn’t include the sex you want (or doesn’t allow for you not wanting sex or whatever), is it REALLY a healthy relationship? REALLY?
Some thoughts on female supremacy...
February 2, 2021 • 5 MIN
A lot of people assume specific things about me, based on whatever their idea of a dominant woman is. Often, these ideas are not informed by actual experience with dominant women and almost never by actual experience with me.
KQOTW: Is kink an integrated part of your life or something you do sometimes (no shaming!)? Whatever your answer, is that something you chose for reasons, or does it come naturally?
January 29, 2021 • 13 MIN
Zach Budd and Nookie answer the question: Is kink an integrated part of your life or something you do sometimes (no shaming!)? Whatever your answer, is that something you chose for reasons, or does it come naturally?
You ARE Worthy...
January 28, 2021 • 4 MIN
Some people will tell you that you’re not and you need to change to be worthy. I disagree with this.
Kinky Question of the Week: D/S & Poly?
January 22, 2021 • 28 MIN
Zach Budd and Nookie answer the question: I’m a submissive in a D/s relationship, and I’m also polyamorous. My dominant is poly as well, but is jealous and territorial. Is anyone else both D/s and poly? And how does that work for you?
A hug holiday during a pandemic...
January 21, 2021 • 3 MIN
I love that there is a holiday encouraging people to really connect on a physical and mental level.
Who loves dick pics?
January 19, 2021 • 5 MIN
Science studied the question of who loves dick pics and came up with some not-so-surprising results.
Kinky Question of the Week: Sex on the first date?
January 15, 2021 • 21 MIN
Zach Budd and Nookie answer the question: Sex on the first date: Does it ruin the relationship, or potentially help strengthen the relationship?
It Doesn’t Bother Me! It Doesn’t! It Doesn’t Matter To Me At All! Really!
January 12, 2021 • 9 MIN
I’m going to share with you a conversation. I’m going to post it without opinion (except as I stated my opinion in the conversation, and well, my title), and I will ask yours.
KQOTW: How do you feel about pubic hair on your partner or on yourself?
January 8, 2021 • 19 MIN
Zach Budd and I talk pubic hair in our latest Kinky Question of the Week Podcast.
Nonmonogamy: Using your meta as a couples' therapist...
January 7, 2021 • 5 MIN
Today, I’d like to address something that seems to happen A LOT in non monogamous relationships, especially in kitchen table poly, triads or families, where the metas interact as friends or more. And it’s no bueno.
Please don't call me... (A Rant)
January 5, 2021 • 5 MIN
If you wouldn’t walk up to a stranger in a coffee shop and say it, don’t say it to someone you don’t know in kink (unless they ask you to AND you agree).
KQOTW, Ghosting: Is it ever appropriate? When?
January 1, 2021 • 22 MIN
Ghosting. Simply dropping out of contact. Maybe in the getting-to-know-you phase, maybe when dating, and some even do this after years.
Reflections on 2020
December 31, 2020 • 9 MIN
Today’s cast is not specifically focused in on a blog or something I’ve written, but more an offer of engagement to each of you listening right now, no matter when you might be hearing this.
Please, don't be gentle.
December 30, 2020 • 3 MIN
Sure, some people may want your gentleness. Crave it, event. Not me. Not tonight.
The Love Drug
December 28, 2020 • 5 MIN
The brain is a most astounding organ. It works 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, from birth, until…you fall in love.
I don't NEED to be taken care of…
December 25, 2020 • 3 MIN
There is a silly and sometime harmful belief out there that submissive are weak. That they follow others because they have not direction of their own.
Terrible, horrible, wonderful things…
December 23, 2020 • 3 MIN
Walking the edge. It’s a part of kink that many people crave. The part of their darkness that they are afraid and sometimes ashamed of and simultaneously deeply needy for. The part of themselves that they have tried to deny.
BDSM vs. Abuse
December 21, 2020 • 4 MIN
Discussing the difference between BDSM and Abuse is useful and allows even people unfamiliar with BDSM to understand better.
Why do we say, “I’m not like other girls,” when we’re talking to men?
December 9, 2020 • 4 MIN
Partially because when boys/men get to know us, they say things like, "You're not like other girls," which is also THEIR experience of girls/women, because even in the youngest chapters of our lives, we're socialized to the war of the sexes (genders).
Let's Hear It For The Boys! Happy International Men's Day
November 19, 2020 • 6 MIN
I am glad for the men in my life, and I'm hopeful for others
Kinky Question of the Week: Living the Lifestyle 24/7
November 14, 2020 • 5 MIN
We asked: When someone says they live (or want to live) the lifestyle 24/7, what does that mean to you?
"Cis" & "Het" are excluded.
November 13, 2020 • 5 MIN
Someone said that “cis” and “het” people are excluded. I ask, from what?!?
Love is like playing a piano…
November 12, 2020 • 4 MIN
"Love is like playing the piano, first you must learn to play by the rules, then you forget the rules and play from your heart.”
Entitled Man
November 6, 2020 • 7 MIN
Sometimes, sex, love and romance go all wrong. And that’s OK. After all, we are all growing and learning as we go about our lives.
A Strong Submissive Woman
October 28, 2020 • 2 MIN
The idea that submissives are weak is prevalent, and I find that utterly ridiculous. Total shite, really.
"Don't Do It In The Street..."
October 27, 2020 • 3 MIN
Indeed, don't frighten the horses! But what about people? Specifically other people who can't consent to...whatever? Where is the line between civil liberties, and what might be best kept behind closed doors? I talk about my line of ethical demarcation. What's yours? Share in the comments! “It doesn’t matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you don’t do it in the street and frighten the horses.” —Mrs. Patrick Campbell
Thoughts on women and dominance and minding your own f*cking business…
October 19, 2020 • 6 MIN
A response to a man on FetLife claiming women are not (never) dominant.
October 8, 2020 • 4 MIN
A perfect choice for my 100th episode. Thank you for being a part of Dating Kinky!
"You Miss All The Shots You Don't Take." — Wayne Gretzky
October 7, 2020 • 9 MIN
Simple, right? If you don't actually put in the effort, if you don't do anything, you're going to miss those chances. But there's a second part that many people miss.
How (And Why) To Get Rejected More Often
October 1, 2020 • 5 MIN
A fear of rejection will cripple you in everything. Getting used to being rejected can help you build the mental muscle to keep going after your dreams.
“The Sub Has All The Power…” *cough cough* “Bullshit.”
September 24, 2020 • 6 MIN
I hear a lot of people saying "The sub has all the power..." in a D/s relationship. STOP SAYING THAT. Please.
Friendzoned? That's Because You're A Buttnugget.
September 17, 2020 • 3 MIN
First, let me start off by saying that I know very well that most people think friendzoning is something that men bitch about. And they’re right. But not only men.
Pet Peeve: The "Look at my butthole! Just LOOK AT IT!" Avatar
September 16, 2020 • 5 MIN
If you prefer your genitals as your avatar or your butthole, well, on the sites that allow that, do it! Just remember that just because you can does not mean you should.
When Good People Snap
September 10, 2020 • 10 MIN
Even good dogs bite (and good people snap) when pushed far enough.
It’s Not About The L-Word
September 9, 2020 • 3 MIN
Someone who I did not know well told me last year that they could tell I loved them. They were wrong.
After The “No,” Or When Asking For Consent Is Not Enough
September 3, 2020 • 6 MIN
So, you've asked for consent. They have said no, but left the door open for the future. What do you do?
A Domme By Any Other Name Would Still Smell As…Foul?
September 2, 2020 • 15 MIN
I had a conversation recently with someone on a kink site that has stuck in my mind, and bothered me a bit.
Today, I seriously considered faking it. Do you? Ever?
September 1, 2020 • 4 MIN
And no, I don’t mean orgasms. I can’t remember that I’ve ever done that.
Throwback Thursday: How To Avoid The Crazies In Kink—A Practical Guide
August 27, 2020 • 11 MIN
A conversation a few days ago in a local kink newbies group about people in kink being more likely to have mental issues than the general public, especially submissives, I feel like this needs to be addressed.
Start As You Mean To Continue, In Vignettes
August 25, 2020 • 7 MIN
Begin a relationship as who you are, not as who you would like to be.
Androgyny, Me? NOPE.
August 22, 2020 • 5 MIN
I don't feel Androgynous. I am feminine. I may have "traditionally" masculine traits, but what does that even effing mean? Because I am direct, I must be less feminine?
Love Without (Non-Negotiated) Expectations
August 21, 2020 • 11 MIN
EVERYONE has a different definition for love, and they vary wildly from one to another. Which just goes to show that we rarely communicate what we think we do.
Dating: Are You Lying To Me Or To Everyone Else?
August 20, 2020 • 4 MIN
Another throwback Thursday today and blast from the oh-so-distant past of March 2017: dating and lying—why do it? After all, I’m pretty sure you don’t want a partner who lies, right? So, why do it to others?
I don't want you to do the dishes...
August 17, 2020 • 4 MIN
I like to say, it’s not about “doing the thing,” it’s about being the person who does the thing.
A case for dating profiles that allow others to self-deselect.
August 14, 2020 • 6 MIN
Write your profile so that the wrong people can self-deselect.
Throwback Thursday: Topping From The Bottom, Asshole-ing from the Sidelines and More
August 13, 2020 • 7 MIN
A throwback from November 2014 taking a deeper look at the idea of "Topping from the Bottom."
"If I have to ask you, I do not want it anymore." A RANT
August 11, 2020 • 10 MIN
Last night in our monthly consent show, we discussed RNIF: Right Now I Feel... with Enchantress Shane. Happily, I already had this rant teed up to serve, to share more thoughts on the topic.
Throwback Thursday: Unsolicited Dick Pics, A Look Back
August 6, 2020 • 5 MIN
The ULTIMATE Response To An Unsolicited Dick Pic! (Video) Share your dick drawings with us at:
No shortage of change!
August 4, 2020 • 4 MIN
Just a quick update to let you know what's going on here at Dating Kinky. *smiles*&nbsp; Reach us at
Porch monkeys, maroons, and being cheap: racism and language, in three vignettes.
July 20, 2020 • 11 MIN
How I have learned more about racism through my experience of language as a white child and as a woman. The Real Maroons...and then there was Bugs Bunny #BLM Find the transcript for this episode here.&nbsp;
The chasm between desires and behaviors—or how we can be both right and wrong at the same time.
July 15, 2020 • 5 MIN
Is it possible that people don't realize that their actions don't align with what they are working so hard towards?&nbsp; Of course it is.&nbsp; Find the transcript for this episode here.&nbsp;
We are never ready.
July 13, 2020 • 5 MIN
We are never "ready" for all that we do. We might be prepared, but ready?&nbsp; Nope.&nbsp; Find the transcript for this episode here.&nbsp;
“You’re hot.” “No, thank you.” “F you.” (A customer service parable.)
July 11, 2020 • 6 MIN
It's the waiter rule. How people treat service people matters.&nbsp; Find the transcript for this episode here.&nbsp;
"Well, then just stick it in her a** while she's asleep..."
July 10, 2020 • 3 MIN
Today is a short ‘cast about the curse of knowledge, deformation, misunderstandings and apologies.&nbsp; Find the transcript for this episode here.
I'm a little...different in how I think.
July 8, 2020 • 7 MIN
I don’t just often think differently from others. I often think differently than I think I think. And knowing that matters. Find the transcript for this episode here.
Setting and maintaining boundaries: for submissives.
July 1, 2020 • 21 MIN
Because submissives could often find themselves giving everyone else what fills those people up, while starving themselves.&nbsp; Understand Me Now—And that's an order! &nbsp; Our monthly show with Hardy Brooklyn on Dating Kinky about boundaries and consent No Regrets Find the transcript for this episode here.
It's against human nature to knowingly make a mistake.
June 29, 2020 • 4 MIN
It's against human nature to knowingly making a mistake. People ALWAYS choose the best path for them at the time. Even when that path is, "I'm going to try this thing and it may not work, but I will at least grow from it." Find the transcript for this episode here.&nbsp;
Manipulation & abuse is not always malevolent.
June 26, 2020 • 7 MIN
In fact, I'd postulate that it rarely is. But that doesn’t really matter.&nbsp; Gambler's Theory: Find the transcript for this episode here.&nbsp; --- Send in a voice message:
Just what IS an orgasm?
June 15, 2020 • 17 MIN
or·gasm /ˈôrˌɡazəm/ noun a climax of sexual excitement, characterized by feelings of pleasure centered in the genitals and (in men) experienced as an accompaniment to ejaculation. Which is both a good place to start and definitely inaccurate—at least for many. Let’s break this down. Find the transcript for this episode here.&nbsp; --- Send in a voice message:
Want to be better at love? Get Better at being single!
June 12, 2020 • 11 MIN
The people who are most successful as singles are especially likely to end up in happy marriages…let's look at why. Find the transcript for this episode here.&nbsp; Learn morn about the It's Not Cheating event here.&nbsp; --- Send in a voice message:
“Poly” as lip service?
June 10, 2020 • 5 MIN
People ask me all the time, "How do you spot people who use the idea of polyamory to exploit others/get laid?" Find the transcript for this episode here.&nbsp; Learn about about It's Not Cheating here.&nbsp;
Be more right.
June 8, 2020 • 4 MIN
It’s so incredibly easy to be wrong. And no one is ever 100% right.&nbsp; However, with a little thought about what really matters to us, we can be more right.&nbsp; Find the transcript for this episode here.&nbsp;
I said, "Don't do that again," not "You did wrong."
June 5, 2020 • 3 MIN
It's fundamental in communication. Understand the words I say, and why I say them. Don't read more into them than exists.&nbsp; Find the transcript for this episode here.&nbsp;
I don't cry a lot.
May 31, 2020 • 6 MIN
A message from Nookie.&nbsp;
The weight of the idea of THE ONE...
May 28, 2020 • 4 MIN
THE ONE is a LOT of pressure to put on anyone before you've met them. Even if it's just a possibility.&nbsp; Find the transcript for this episode here.&nbsp;
It’s not who you are. It’s who I see you as.
May 27, 2020 • 4 MIN
I mean, we often say things like this in jest, and yet, it's 100% true. We ALL have good qualities, and when we focus on ourselves, we KNOW what those good qualities are, and it's easy to wonder why others don't see those and respond to them. I can tell you why: Because you are not communicating those qualities in a way those others can understand AND agree on them. Find the transcript for this episode here.
On being understood, intuitively...
May 12, 2020 • 6 MIN
Studies have shown that those who see love as a perfect unity self-report as being less satisfied with their relationships, and those who believe that sex is some sort of destiny (right person) have less satisfying sex and less satisfied sexual partners, versus those who think that great sex between people comes from learning and getting better together.&nbsp; SOURCES:! Find the transcript for this episode here.&nbsp;
true VS. Truth
May 6, 2020 • 7 MIN
What is true in this moment with the information you have may be be the TRUTH. That does not invalidate your reaction.&nbsp; Find the transcript for this episode here.&nbsp; --- Send in a voice message:
Abusive behavior is still abusive—even when they stay.
April 29, 2020 • 4 MIN
That's like saying, "Well, they stuck around even after I beat the everlasting fuck out of them (in non-consensual, non-fun ways), so it must be OK to do it." Find the transcript for this episode here.&nbsp; --- Send in a voice message:
Using Sex As A Weapon
April 28, 2020 • 7 MIN
Using someone's sexual desire for you to manipulate them without consent is crappy behavior.&nbsp; Find the transcript for this episode here.&nbsp; --- Send in a voice message:
A model of consent evolution that might help the conversations we're having...
April 14, 2020 • 8 MIN
Many times, people coming to something new don't want to have to think deeply or want to LEARN. They want to accomplish a goal. High Context Consent Vs. Low Context Consent Consent isn’t actually the key. Whips Chains &amp; Duct Tape on Facebook --- Send in a voice message:
Walking Away Is A Valid Choice, Always
April 6, 2020 • 3 MIN
I always have a choice to take people at face value for ALL that they are, or walk away if I cannot/will not. Find the transcript for this episode here.&nbsp; --- Send in a voice message:
Let's talk about TRUST.
April 3, 2020 • 3 MIN
What do you mean when you say you trust someone? When you give a referral or vett someone? When you make an introduction, or put your weight behind a person? A few other links on trust:&nbsp; How do you trust? Trust More, Not Less Find the transcript for this episode here.&nbsp; --- Send in a voice message:
So, You're Masturbating More Now...
March 29, 2020 • 7 MIN
In a lot of ways, that's a GOOD thing. After all, it releases stress, helps you sleep better, and a host of other things.&nbsp; Find the transcript for this episode here.&nbsp; --- Send in a voice message:
You're Always Being Used For What You Offer
March 25, 2020 • 5 MIN
We all do whatever we do because we get something from it. The question is: What do you provide that people want? Find the transcript for this episode here.&nbsp; --- Send in a voice message:
Bossy Bottoms & Subdued Submissives
March 23, 2020 • 4 MIN
Don’t fall into the trap of believing that a dominant is going to fix everything in your life. Instead, ask: What are you doing to develop who you are as a desirable companion both in and out of your submission? Find the transcript for this episode here. --- Send in a voice message:
Settling - Don't Do It!
March 21, 2020 • 5 MIN
If you've ever left a relationship that you've been putting 100% into, because you finally realized that you alone aren't enough to make it know.&nbsp; Don't do that to another person.&nbsp; Find the transcript for this episode here. Find our webinar replay here.&nbsp; --- Send in a voice message:
Why We Fall For The Same ___ Over And Over...
March 17, 2020 • 6 MIN
Short answer: Because we benefit from them. Wait. We benefit from being lied to? Oh yeah, we do. We LOVE it! As long as we're not lied to too much, or in a way that we can't ignore. Find the transcript for this episode here.&nbsp; --- Send in a voice message:
Orgasms & Energy Diffusion—Looking for Feedback
March 11, 2020 • 8 MIN
I’m practicing a model I’m writing about on orgasms with you, my audience.&nbsp; *smiles*&nbsp; Find the transcript for this episode here. Leave me a voice message here.&nbsp; --- Send in a voice message:
Over and Over, I TOLD You
March 9, 2020 • 5 MIN
We all have a tendency to see and experience only what we greatly desire or truly fear, but not the slightly tarnished and full-of-character and wonderment and joy reality that actually exists…especially when we are searching for connection.&nbsp; Find the transcript for this episode here.&nbsp; --- Send in a voice message:
Playing in Public Consensually
March 4, 2020 • 13 MIN
How do you honor your power exchange relationship while in public? Of course, this is an intensely personal thing. There are many ways to show off your dynamic, some are quite subtle, others more overt.&nbsp; Have a thought you’d like to share? Leave me a voice message! Find the transcript for this episode here. And more information on my book, FLR, FemDom &amp; Women In Charge here.&nbsp; --- Send in a voice message:
What is YOUR Trap?
February 28, 2020 • 3 MIN
I wonder about the traps we set for others in our heads. What does it mean to me when I meet a man or a woman or an enby? A submissive or a little or a furry? What does it mean when I call someone sexy or smart?&nbsp; Find the transcript for this episode here, and more information on my upcoming book on FemDom here.&nbsp; --- Send in a voice message:
Potential Pitfalls of Power Exchange in Long-Term Relationships
February 27, 2020 • 7 MIN
I was writing a chapter for the FLR, FemDom, and Women In Charge Relationships book coming out in just a few days (yikes!), and I realized that it applies to ALL power exchange relationship dynamics, and I wanted to share it with you.&nbsp; BDSM Vs. Abuse Find the transcript for this episode here.&nbsp; Leave me a voice message with feedback, ask an anonymous question, whatever you’d like. Oh, and I MAY use your voice in a future ‘cast if you do. *smiles*&nbsp; --- Send in a voice message:
Hunting the Elusive Unicorn, Finding a Minotaur, Bull Procurement & More
February 26, 2020 • 9 MIN
Unicorn Hunting is a touchy term in Polyamory circles.&nbsp; So many single women have gotten burned by couples looking "for a third," and then...well, I'll get to this.&nbsp; One of the biggest challenges surrounding this topic is, in my view, the communication of it.&nbsp; Find the transcript for this episode here.&nbsp; --- Send in a voice message:
Let's Debate: Seducer or Seduced?
February 25, 2020 • 4 MIN
Do you prefer being seduced? Or seducing?&nbsp; Do you see power inherent in one or the other? Do they fit in dominance or submission roles (or other power labels) to you?&nbsp; Find the transcript for this episode here.&nbsp; --- Send in a voice message:
What Is The Best Way To Warn Others About A Predator Without Drama?
February 25, 2020 • 4 MIN
I find a simple two-step process works best for me. First, I get consent. Find the transcript for this episode here.&nbsp; --- Send in a voice message:
What if My Consent is Broken?
February 21, 2020 • 5 MIN
When your consent is broken, it hurts, it’s confusing, and sometimes, it’s hard to figure out what to do. Here are a few options to help you.&nbsp; Find the transcript for this episode here, and learn more about my book, So, What Is Kinky, Anyway?&nbsp; --- Send in a voice message:
The Sexual Divide: A Rant
February 19, 2020 • 3 MIN
As a cis woman, I've ALWAYS known that there is a BIG divide between how most cis men experience sex and orgasm and how I do.&nbsp; How is it that so many people DON'T? The Casual Swinger Podcast International Kinky Women’s Day&nbsp; Find the transcript for this episode here.&nbsp; --- Send in a voice message:
Knowledge is NOT Necessarily Power
February 18, 2020 • 6 MIN
Knowledge is not power. Knowledge is knowledge until you apply it or leverage it. Find and register for our next Newbies Night here.&nbsp; Find the transcript here. --- Send in a voice message:
Shame & Kink, Kink & Shame
February 14, 2020 • 5 MIN
Shame is an emotion. And emotions exist to call our attention to things we might need to think about, pay attention to, or fix. So, if you’re feeling shame about your kink, dive into it, and ask yourself some questions. Find the transcript here and learn more about So, What Is Kinky, Anyway? --- Send in a voice message:
My Personal Unpopular Theory of Responsibility
February 13, 2020 • 6 MIN
If I take 100% responsibility, that does not stop someone else from doing the same.&nbsp; Find the transcript here and learn more about my upcoming book, Understand Me, Now! (And that’s an order.) --- Send in a voice message:
Why Isn't It Normal To Like The People We Love? #Rant
February 8, 2020 • 7 MIN
It seems like not liking the people we love is trendy and cool right now, which seems to be the opposite of what it should be. The link to the Tumblr conversation: Find the transcript here and learn more about my upcoming book, Understand Me, Now! (And that’s an order.) --- Send in a voice message:
Roberto Gets Around, For Good Reason
February 5, 2020 • 3 MIN
A conversation I had today wherein I learned that Roberto has been with my friends.&nbsp; Read the transcript at my blog. Meet Roberto.&nbsp; --- Send in a voice message:
How much does body language help/hinder communication?
February 4, 2020 • 4 MIN
A sneak peek at my communication book as I write it this week.&nbsp; --- Send in a voice message:
Communication Is Too THE MOST IMPORTANT Part Of A Relationship
February 3, 2020 • 8 MIN
If your natural communication styles are not compatible with another person, you will likely feel increasingly uncomfortable around them. This discomfort may take many forms.&nbsp; Find the transcript here and learn more about my book, Dating Kinky: Find the kinky love of your fantasies.&nbsp; --- Send in a voice message:
Hi, I’m Nookie, And I’m A Hug-aholic (And I LOVE Science-y Shit)!
January 31, 2020 • 11 MIN
I love hugs. And I explore the science and benefits of hugs for YOU! Find the transcript here. Learn more about International Kinky Women's Day here.&nbsp; --- Send in a voice message:
Subspace & Lightweights & Consenting When We Shouldn't
January 29, 2020 • 8 MIN
So, the play we do is awesome, amazing, wonderful, and it is a drug. Well, actually, it’s A LOT of drugs. And some people are more susceptible to these effects than others. They are lightweights when it comes to the feel-goods.&nbsp; Find the transcript and learn more about my new book So, What is Kinky, Anyway? here. --- Send in a voice message:
The Underappreciated Wholesomeness of Kink
January 28, 2020 • 7 MIN
What the media misses about kink in EVERY portrayal I've seen. A guest post by TheBoloonGuy.&nbsp; Find the transcript on my blog here. --- Send in a voice message:
BDSM Vs. Abuse
January 27, 2020 • 8 MIN
This is a question that comes up a lot. What is the difference between kink or BDSM and abuse? Find the transcript and learn more about my new book So, What is Kinky, Anyway? here. --- Send in a voice message:
Today In Butts: Are Rectums Self-Lubricating?
January 23, 2020 • 4 MIN
Short answer: No. Long answer included, LOL!&nbsp; Find the transcript and learn more about my new book The Big Book of Ass here. --- Send in a voice message:
Fly Fishing For Your Needs and Wants
January 21, 2020 • 6 MIN
Soooo sneaky to just dangle bait, right? They TOTALLY don't know that when you say "I love you..." and leave it hanging in the air that you are desperately waiting to hear it back.&nbsp; TOTALLY.&nbsp; Posted on the Dating Kinky Blog. --- Send in a voice message:
BDE (Big Dick Energy) and Confident Versus Cocky
January 20, 2020 • 8 MIN
What is Big Dick Energy (BDE), and what is the difference between confidence versus cockiness?&nbsp; Transcript/Blog Post --- Send in a voice message:
The Problem With Blaming Victims of Abuse
January 15, 2020 • 3 MIN
I will be clear about my position early in this short writing: THE PERSON WHO ABUSES IS ALWAYS AT FAULT. A transcript of this podcast can be found on my blog. --- Send in a voice message:
How Do YOU Get Into The Right Headspace?
January 13, 2020 • 8 MIN
When you have a real life with kids, or career, or money worries, how do you get into the headspace for kink? --- Send in a voice message:
What Level of Kink Are You?
January 8, 2020 • 8 MIN
In writing about the power exchange/kinky play balance, I went down a rabbit hole of how to categorize or measure kink in daily life. This is what I've created as a result. A starting place for thought or discussion.&nbsp; --- Send in a voice message:
I'm Gonna R*pe All I Want
January 7, 2020 • 6 MIN
A discussion of CNC (consensual non-consent) relationships.&nbsp; --- Send in a voice message:
Belief Is NOT Everything. But It Is A Lot.
December 19, 2019 • 8 MIN
Belief can affect our memory, vision, hearing, and even physical strength and appearance. Let’s use it as a force for good in our lives!&nbsp; --- Send in a voice message:
The Red Flag Diaries: How Do They Talk About Others?
December 17, 2019 • 4 MIN
Not only does how a person talk about others tell you a lot about how they will talk about you (in good times and bad), but it also informs how they will see you and interpret your actions and words.&nbsp; --- Send in a voice message:
Words CAN Hurt
December 16, 2019 • 4 MIN
Not because of the words. Because of the actual physical harm that those words can incite.&nbsp; --- Send in a voice message:
Got Nuance?
December 15, 2019 • 5 MIN
The less nuance we share with each other, the less accepting we are of it. And another thing I’ve noticed, those that see and respect nuance?BOTH sides hate them as a sellout, white knight, traitor, extremist… --- Send in a voice message:
What If You've Been Wrong Your WHOLE LIFE? I Was.
December 14, 2019 • 4 MIN
I could accept that I had been wrong and make the changes so that moving forward I could enjoy the fruits of being right, or stay comfortable in my bubble of self-righteousness and fear and disdain and loneliness.&nbsp; --- Send in a voice message:
It's Black AND White, Not Shades Of Grey
December 13, 2019 • 7 MIN
In fact, I rarely think in shades of grey. Or compromise. Or whatever it is we’re told we’re supposed to do to get along in this world. I also have some tips on writing a dating profile to disqualify people, and hwy that's important. Excerpted from Dating Kinky: How to find the kinky love of your fantasies. --- Send in a voice message:
A Ticklish Situation
December 12, 2019 • 2 MIN
It’s not cool to treat people on the internet like they exist ONLY to fulfill your fetishes. Just saying. --- Send in a voice message:
I Don't Do Hookups (Except When I Do)
December 11, 2019 • 2 MIN
A look at hookups from a woman's perspective.&nbsp; --- Send in a voice message:
FRAMED! A New Series On How We See The World
December 4, 2019 • 9 MIN
Sometimes our mental frames are harmful. And sometimes those frames are helpful but not as &nbsp;helpful as they could be. How can we change them, when we need to to expand our perspectives and possibilities?&nbsp; --- Send in a voice message:
Unconditional Relationships? *cough cough* BULLSHIT!
December 2, 2019 • 8 MIN
My love and my relationships are conditional. Mark Manson says that unconditional love and relationships are what we should strive for. I make my points against.&nbsp; --- Send in a voice message:
We All Have That One Friend... Maybe YOU Are That One Friend.
November 29, 2019 • 4 MIN
The one who will put EVERYONE's needs before their own. The loyal, loving, always-there-for-you bestie who will give and give and give... --- Send in a voice message:
It’s My World. You’re Just Living In It
November 27, 2019 • 7 MIN
A perspective of the world that keeps us alive is more important than one that is objectively accurate. That's not easy on connecting, communicating, and understanding each other, though.&nbsp; --- Send in a voice message:
The Red Flag Diaries: How Do They Respond To Your First "No"?
November 26, 2019 • 4 MIN
This is a new series on red flags to watch out for when meeting and dating and connecting with others in kink and elsewhere.&nbsp; People who feel entitled to your time and effort and who believe that their wants and needs are more important than yours will show you this. This is a red flag.&nbsp; --- Send in a voice message:
It's Like Toilet Paper Bondage...
November 25, 2019 • 3 MIN
Behavior modification, on yourself or others. It's not a one-and-done thing. It's more like toilet paper bondage.&nbsp; --- Send in a voice message:
Conflict Resolution Protocol
November 23, 2019 • 8 MIN
Two ways to resolve conflict in your relationships. On involves pulling rank (in a loving way) and pattern interrupts. The other is simply an agreement of what happens when someone unilaterally ends a stressful conversation.&nbsp; --- Send in a voice message:
I Hurt You BECAUSE I Love You.
November 22, 2019 • 3 MIN
I've heard, "I can't beat so-and-so like I used to. I love them too much." I just can't comprehend. --- Send in a voice message:
You Can't Even Get ONE Relationship Right! (Poly Is Not, Part XXII)
November 21, 2019 • 4 MIN
There are a lot of reasons that a relationship (or series of relationships) might not work. Polyamory or any sort of ethical non-monogamy are not the answer, nor are they right for everyone.&nbsp; --- Send in a voice message:
Successful Relationships: 3 Critical Questions
November 20, 2019 • 3 MIN
If you are able to answer all three of these questions in the affirmative, then you have what it takes to create a successful relationship.&nbsp; Will you? Maybe, maybe not. --- Send in a voice message:
The Way We Were, AKA The WON TWOO WAY™
November 19, 2019 • 5 MIN
I've often found that the very people who proclaim to all how accepting WE KINKSTERZ are of others are themselves incredibly intolerant of views that don't exactly match their own.&nbsp; --- Send in a voice message:
Any Problem You Can't Discuss In Your Relationship...
November 16, 2019 • 5 MIN
…is two problems. Or more. --- Send in a voice message:
It's Only Romantic When You Still Love Them
November 16, 2019 • 5 MIN
“If you don’t still love them, or worse, you barely even know them, it’s creepy. It’s stalkerish.” --- Send in a voice message:
In Life And Love, VALUE Is The Key
November 16, 2019 • 5 MIN
Musing on the idea of value, and how important providing value is to creating love and lasting relationships. --- Send in a voice message: