A key point we often miss when discussing consent...
April 28, 2022
There is something missing in every major consent piece I've read, and even those that mention it seems to gloss it over, as they are focused primarily on the physical, rather than the mental results of consent.
A Key Point We Often Miss When Discussing Consent
Kiba sent me a link yesterday to An Essay On Consent, From A Woman Who Hosts Huge Sex Parties.
It's an excellent piece of work on consent, covering many bases. Here are a few of my favorite points:
> "Even if you previously granted consent, if you lose the ability to revoke that consent, from that moment on, there is no consent. And if someone takes that control over your consent from you, or ignores that you have lost your control over your consent, that is rape. You must be in control of, and able to revoke, your consent at all times for that consent to remain valid."
> "Only act on enthusiastic consent: 'Yes!' not 'Maybe…' Consent is binary. You have enthusiastic consent or you do not have consent."
> "If you want to be really, really sure someone is enthusiastically consenting, ask them to say yes a few times before you do that kinky thing to them. Make them beg for you to do that kinky thing to them. Consent for the win!"
> "Consent for one activity (i.e. drinking earl grey tea) does not mean you also have consented to another activity (i.e. drinking english breakfast tea with milk and honey.) “Consenting to sex” is not some catchall for having suddenly consented to every imaginable type of sexual activity, and losing control over your limits."
There is more. A lot more. And I recommend reading it. For everyone. Even those who understand consent. Not because it will necessarily teach you more, but because it may give you more words and more ways of explaining and more ways of doing consent than you had before you read it.
However, there is something missing in every major consent piece I've read, and even those that mention it seems to gloss it over, as they are focused primarily on the physical, rather than the mental results of consent.
Consent is only valid when they know what they are getting into.
Find the transcript for this episode here. [LINK TO BLOG]
The article I mentioned: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/consent-explained_us_57acdedce4b0e7935e04755a
Kiba sent me a link yesterday to An Essay On Consent, From A Woman Who Hosts Huge Sex Parties.
It's an excellent piece of work on consent, covering many bases. Here are a few of my favorite points:
> "Even if you previously granted consent, if you lose the ability to revoke that consent, from that moment on, there is no consent. And if someone takes that control over your consent from you, or ignores that you have lost your control over your consent, that is rape. You must be in control of, and able to revoke, your consent at all times for that consent to remain valid."
> "Only act on enthusiastic consent: 'Yes!' not 'Maybe…' Consent is binary. You have enthusiastic consent or you do not have consent."
> "If you want to be really, really sure someone is enthusiastically consenting, ask them to say yes a few times before you do that kinky thing to them. Make them beg for you to do that kinky thing to them. Consent for the win!"
> "Consent for one activity (i.e. drinking earl grey tea) does not mean you also have consented to another activity (i.e. drinking english breakfast tea with milk and honey.) “Consenting to sex” is not some catchall for having suddenly consented to every imaginable type of sexual activity, and losing control over your limits."
There is more. A lot more. And I recommend reading it. For everyone. Even those who understand consent. Not because it will necessarily teach you more, but because it may give you more words and more ways of explaining and more ways of doing consent than you had before you read it.
However, there is something missing in every major consent piece I've read, and even those that mention it seems to gloss it over, as they are focused primarily on the physical, rather than the mental results of consent.
Consent is only valid when they know what they are getting into.
Find the transcript for this episode here. [LINK TO BLOG]
The article I mentioned: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/consent-explained_us_57acdedce4b0e7935e04755a