Dating Kinky
I set calendar reminders to tell people I appreciate them.
April 20, 2022
I'd hazard to say that many people (most people) don't give good feedback regularly at all, to anyone.
Well, I don't anymore. But I used to. Here's why: 

I write a lot about communication. 

It's important to be able to express needs in a relationship. To discuss our emotions and to be vulnerable. To set and then maintain personal boundaries. To say uncomfortable things compassionately. To overcome misunderstandings and to bridge gaps. 

And obviously, lots of people have trouble with these things. 

You know what isn't so obvious, though?

Like so NOT obvious that I've been missing it for years, even when it hits me so hard I damn near get whiplash? 

That people also have challenges with saying things like:

- I appreciate you. 
- You are amazing to me. 
- Thank you. 
- I want you.
- Your eyes make me melt.
- You make my life better. 
- I love how you make me laugh.

Not just the habitual "I love you" when you leave or end a phone call. Or whatever. 

SOME people are pretty good about this at the beginning of a relationship, during the NRE (New Relationship Energy) phase, but most aren't really, unless it's directly related to things about you that make them want to bang. 

- You're sexy. 
- I love your lips. 
- Your ass is to die for. 

Which are also VERY nice to hear. 

But not what I'm talking about. 

Many people don't say good things about their partners on a regular basis. 

In fact, I'd hazard to say that many people (most people) don't give good feedback regularly at all, to anyone. 

And over the years, this has been made clear to me by how many people are shocked when I compliment them just because. Even people I date. People I have sex with. People that it should be natural and expected that I feel good things about. 

And each time I was shocked that they were shocked. 

And finally, it hit me. (I can be slow sometimes.)

Like, this is a missing skill! 

And it's one I developed for myself, so I can share with you how I developed it.  

Find the full transcript for this episode here.