Dating Kinky
I’m open to connections. I’m not “looking.”
April 22, 2022
Looking, to me, suggests that I've got ideas about how I'd like people to fit into my life. Like a life partner, or a lover, or a particular scene I'd like to fulfill, or whatever. I'm not looking.
Many years ago, I created a cute little video: Where Do I Find ______ (Fill In The Blank Amazing Kinky Person)? You can find it on YouTube with a search, if you'd like to watch it. 

I detailed how I personally put myself out there, so that I could connect with awesome kinky people and fill my life with the experiences and humans that make me happy. 

At that time, I was looking. 

I had a few people I was seeing. Partners, lovers, and friends. 

I had not really settled fully into my groove. I was 43 when I first wrote it (in 2017, then revised it in 2020), about 9 years after I had started my journey to create my BEST life ever, including kink. Yes, I was on a journey. 

And I say this to let you know that it is not an instant process, usually. Yes, there are exceptions. No, not as many as we wish there were (at least FOR US). 


Now, though, I'm not looking. 

I don't spend as much time on dating sites, even my own (except as a monitor and founder), because my life is pretty full. I do still put myself out there to meet people, though. A lot. 

So much that I've created an event and discord local to the RDU/Triangle area in NC specifically for people to meet each other. Partially because, well, I love connecting people (it's why I chose what I do), and partially because I really, really love meeting people. 

But it's because I'm open to possibilities. 

Not because I'm "looking." 

Looking, to me, suggests that I've got ideas about how I'd like people to fit into my life. Like a life partner, or a lover, or a particular scene I'd like to fulfill, or whatever. 

I'm not looking. 

Like I said, I have amazing people in my life. I'm filled up in so very many ways. In ways I never imagined in my wildest dreams. 

Am I too full? 

Well, no. 

I don't believe there is such a thing as "too full of love and friendship and sexy times and possibilities." 

To be clear: I'm nonmonogamous. And while my time is limited, I find ways to connect those I like or love with each other, and I get to spend time with multiple amazing people at once, so I make the most of the time I have. 

And that's what I mean when I say, "I'm open." 

Because I never know who might come into my life and connect with me. Or what we might discover together. Or how much love and affection from an entirely different source might be available. 

I don't NEED more. 

I don't even really actively WANT more. 

But I'm open to more. 

And when I'm regularly connecting with new people and connecting them with each other, and offering ways for people to come out of their shell and learn more about the lifestyle, I find that amazing opportunities are offered or created that I could never have accomplished on my own. 

AND, those add so much richness to my life. 

Heck, just a couple of weekends ago, I had the joy of meeting an amazingly sexy and interesting man from the UK here in town for work. Because I was open to connecting further, I invited him to a gathering I was co-hosting, and we got to chat and he got to meet a group of awesome people. And, since he'll be back for work again, hopefully we'll remain connected and get to spend more time. 

In what? 

I don't know. I don't care. I don't have expectations. It's just good energy to add to my life. 

Find the full transcript for this episode here.