How do you screen for partners for play, dating, or love?
March 7, 2022
Do whatever you are willing and ENJOY doing, and don't do the rest. Then, it doesn't matter about reading them or whatever, because you are living your best life.
In a private kink-adjacent group I'm in on Facebook (probably 98% male-identifying for context), a recent post asked:
> "Sometimes we go about the subject of women as if they are these fragile flowery beings ignoring that there are the very powerful negative sides to women that undermine our being as men! Some women are so compromised in their habitual negative thinking, feeling, behaving that they are beyond salvage! Has anyone read this book?"
The book they posted was titled "An Exclusive Guide to Damaged Women."
My reply was automatic and simple:
> "I don't think it really matters if someone is damaged or not.
>
> It's not about them. It's about you.
>
> Do whatever you are willing and ENJOY doing, and don't do the rest. Then, it doesn't matter about reading them or whatever, because you are living your best life."
I got a lot of pushback. Here's one reply from the original poster:
> "Lack of awareness and deeper knowledge on women turn even strong men into derelicts. Damaged women will waste your time, energy and life. The issue is not about reading more but recognising the sign of a problem before you begin any relationship with a woman. Ask around from guys who have fallen victim to cunning, sly women. Ignorance is the worst place to be. Maybe you are “lucky” and have not met a toxic woman."
I was able to verbalize more as the conversation continued and others joined:
To be clear, I've met plenty of toxic people. And as those of you reading/listening probably know, coaching/advising people about living their best sex/love/kink lives is my daily grind.
Toxic is not the only thing that will turn men (humans, really—this is not gender specific) into derelicts. Poor personal awareness, shitty boundaries, and a lack of self control are far more likely to be the cause.
So, I suggest that whether someone is toxic or not, If you only do what you know is right for you, and let all the others go, it doesn't matter why they are not a fit (or if they are toxic), they just aren't right FOR YOU.
Find the full transcript for this episode here. https://datingkinky.com/blog/dating/how-do-you-screen-for-partners-for-play-dating-or-love/
> "Sometimes we go about the subject of women as if they are these fragile flowery beings ignoring that there are the very powerful negative sides to women that undermine our being as men! Some women are so compromised in their habitual negative thinking, feeling, behaving that they are beyond salvage! Has anyone read this book?"
The book they posted was titled "An Exclusive Guide to Damaged Women."
My reply was automatic and simple:
> "I don't think it really matters if someone is damaged or not.
>
> It's not about them. It's about you.
>
> Do whatever you are willing and ENJOY doing, and don't do the rest. Then, it doesn't matter about reading them or whatever, because you are living your best life."
I got a lot of pushback. Here's one reply from the original poster:
> "Lack of awareness and deeper knowledge on women turn even strong men into derelicts. Damaged women will waste your time, energy and life. The issue is not about reading more but recognising the sign of a problem before you begin any relationship with a woman. Ask around from guys who have fallen victim to cunning, sly women. Ignorance is the worst place to be. Maybe you are “lucky” and have not met a toxic woman."
I was able to verbalize more as the conversation continued and others joined:
To be clear, I've met plenty of toxic people. And as those of you reading/listening probably know, coaching/advising people about living their best sex/love/kink lives is my daily grind.
Toxic is not the only thing that will turn men (humans, really—this is not gender specific) into derelicts. Poor personal awareness, shitty boundaries, and a lack of self control are far more likely to be the cause.
So, I suggest that whether someone is toxic or not, If you only do what you know is right for you, and let all the others go, it doesn't matter why they are not a fit (or if they are toxic), they just aren't right FOR YOU.
Find the full transcript for this episode here. https://datingkinky.com/blog/dating/how-do-you-screen-for-partners-for-play-dating-or-love/