Dating Kinky
GUEST POST: The Effects of NRE & Misinterpretations
February 21, 2022
"All the red flags were there and she just didn't see them."
The Effects of NRE & Misinterpretations

One of the scariest things observed are the number of Kinoobies (Kink newbies) who have NO FUCKING CLUE about the basic psychological effect of engaging in BDSM activities.

I have read several posts over the last 12 months in which there has been an accusation made by a Kinoobie or the Kinoobie partner of one in which their interpretation of a situation is really on the fenceline.

NRE is once such area.

Let's talk about NRE for a minute since there's a good chance someone out there has no fucking clue what this is.

NRE = New Relationship Energy

...and contrary to popular belief and myths, NRE most certainly CAN and DOES develop between people who are merely engaging through text, online messaging, group posts, pic exchanging and more.


This refers to the response the brain has on the chemicals released while engaging with another person in the onset of a developing relationship. It does not matter the DEPTH of the relationship and both parties do NOT have to have the same level of interest in developing a relationship for NRE to develop.

It's a fucking chemical response in the brain...the happy hormones are released and the brain gets all excited by this, triggering a desire to have more of those happy hormones.

NRE often develops when there is attraction coupled with discussions about sexual (or BDSM) and/or romantic relationships and will be increased if there is mutual energy between the partners.

NRE usually fades over time, though it can last for years with some people.

So what is the big fucking deal? Your brain gets happy, no worries?

That's not exactly true.

Sometimes, NRE presents itself as little more than being mesmerized or enraptured with another person. If the energy wears off quickly, the dynamic may fizzle out because it really was just someone riding a dopamine (brain drug candy) high. At this point, when NRE fades, character flaws which were easily dismissed during NRE, suddenly show up.

And it is THIS POINT EXACTLY....the idea that NRE can cause lapses in judgement, cause someone to miss red flags, cause someone to consent to something they normally would not and be obsessed with the relationship to the point of ignoring other commitments, relationships and duties.

Think about this statement for a minute:

*"All the red flags were there and she just didn't see them."*

Find the transcript for this episode here.