Dating Kinky
Boundaries Are Sexy AF: Enforcing boundaries
March 18, 2022
The question about boundaries that I get asked most often is, "How do I enforce a boundary?" Good question! Thank you for asking.
I've written a lot about boundaries (and I'll be writing more, since I'm working on a book about them) because I believe that boundaries are the key to saving not only ourselves, but our relationships.

Sound a bit strong? 

I don't think so. If anything, I'm understating how I feel about boundaries as a personal road map to most of lifeā€”at least interpersonal life. 

In my posts about the six types of boundaries, I explain what each type of boundary is, what it looks like, and give examples of crossing boundaries. I also share questions to ask yourself (and any partners) to dig deeper into understanding how boundaries might affect your relationships. 

But the question I get asked most often is, "How do I enforce a boundary?" 

Good question! Thank you for asking. 

I have a method that works for me that I developed through trial and error. 

Here it is in a nutshell:

1. State your boundary. 
2. Wait and observe. 
3. If you need to state it again, do so. Possibly with a deeper explanation. 
4. Wait and observe (again).
5. If your boundary is still not honored, you have a choice to make. 


But not easy for most of us. Because for this to be it's most effective, you'll need a combination of self-awareness, communication skills, and a willingness to hold yourself and others to consequences.

And that's a lot. 

Let's go through these in detail. 


1. State your boundary. 

When going into a discussion about boundaries, especially when you are new to enforcing boundaries, it's ideal if you can be as calm as possible. 

People are generally more open to calm communication than to yelling and screaming. 

If you can, talk with a friend or family member to vent or journal to take the edge off before starting the conversation. 

It can help to plan what to say and how you want to say it. 

Find the full transcript for this episode here.