A lot of dating advice says something like, "Be realistic in your expectations," and they are right. Not RIGHT, but right.
A lot of dating advice says something like, "Be realistic in your expectations," and they are right.
Not RIGHT, but right.
It is true, but it is not THE TRUTH, and it's easy to get confused.
All of my exes told me that my desires were unrealistic.
Well, all of my "serious" relationships did, and many of my casual ones, too.
You know what I learned? That people will tell you that your standards are wrong when they don't meet your standards.
Back in the days of craigslist personals, I'd get messages from people who read my ad, did not fit what I was looking for, but who felt a need to tell me that although they KNEW they didn't fit what I was looking for, here were the qualities they did have...
And when I wrote back, saying "Thank you, but I'm pretty committed to what I'm looking for, best of luck!" it was common (like nine times out of ten) that they would shoot back at me and insult me, insult what I wanted, and tell me I was being unrealistic.
More, many of them would then watch for future ads, and write with something like, "Still here, huh? Want to try some of [all this], now?"
They not only thought my standards were wrong, but they invested themselves in trying to correct them for me, a total stranger on the internet.
Didn't work for them.
Didn't work for my exes in the long run.
All of my exes told me that my desires were unrealistic. My current decided to show me that they weren't enough.
Find the full transcript for this episode here. https://datingkinky.com/blog/personal/what-is-realistic-to-want-in-a-relationship/